5 Things You should Not to Do When You are With Your Lover


When you’re first falling in love, in those critical beginning stages of building a relationship together that could potentially last a lifetime, the last thing that you want to do is mess everything up. It’s understandable: the more time you spend together, the more emotional investment you have given to the relationship, and the more pressure there is in your mind to make a good impression on your lover in order to not lose all of that investment.

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This can be a problem, though, as the whole point of being in love is to feel natural and comfortable with the person you’re with, allowing your time together to be unspoiled by the negative thoughts and stimulation of the outside world. On the other hand, having decent manners and not turning your lover off is critical to keeping the relationship. One way to avoid ruining the mood during your dates, while keeping your mind from this constant worry, is to just have a few general guidelines, so that you can tell right away if you are slipping into dangerous territory that might cause the date to take a foul turn.

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Here are a few suggestions of what to steer clear from:

1) Don’t invite her to a place that she can’t afford.

In this day and age, lovers oftentimes split the tab of their meals or other activities, so you don’t want to end up putting her in an embarrassing situation where she has to admit that she’s either too poor or too cheap to go on a date with you. Even if you pay for everything, it’s not a good idea to take her somewhere way beyond her own means, because you will give off the vibe of being a “provider” or “sugar daddy,” and this can make the power difference between the two of you seem too great; you are her lover, not her parent, after all.

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Seek to impress her, but not too much or she will be overwhelmed and maybe even see you as desperate.

2) Don’t spend most of your conversations on negative topics.

It’s amazing to think about, but the main form of bonding for some people is complaining! These are the people who don’t feel like they’re really close to you until you’re both looking down at a third person or yammering away about how much you both hate some aspect of life or another. Don’t be this kind of person. Although occasionally you will meet another “complainer” who loves to hear the negative things that others have to say as well, chances are that if your lover is like most people, they don’t want to hear it.

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Even if your lover enjoys speaking negatively of others, don’t join her. These sorts of speech patterns can turn into thought patterns, and before you know it your mind will be swimming in negativity. Be positive with your partner—encourage her and talk about exciting things, like your future together.

3) Don’t act too invested too soon.

People are creeped out by clingy ness, and though flowers at her doorstep before every date may sound like a good idea born straight out of a Disney love story, you might want to take a step back. Take a deep breath. Remember that she is just another human being, not a princess on a pedestal, and that if you emotionally invest too soon in the relationship and are putting way too much effort into making it work, she may see that as a sign of neediness and desperation on your part. If you are focused on nothing else in your life and are obsessed with your lover, she will sense that.

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Instead, make her feel comfortable during a date by giving her space. Don’t set your expectations too high. Don’t act as if you are easily hurt (even if you are), and she will feel much more at ease with you.

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4) Don’t act shocked when she confides something in you.

If your lover tells you a secret, not only should you keep it with you to your grave, but you should also act as nonchalant and unaffected as possible, even if you are shocked by what she is telling you. As a general rule in life, it’s best to be as non-judgmental as possible, but this is especially true when dealing with a lover. If you must judge, judge silently inside your mind, but give an air that you’re not surprised, even as she tells you her dirtiest, most shocking secrets.

Why first date alomost fails

You see, people feel free to act like themselves when they feel that others won’t judge them. Most people are actually dying to be themselves, and someone who allows them to be that way is like a breath of fresh air. Be that breath of fresh air. Make her feel comfortable and that she can say anything she wants to you. This not only makes her trust you more, but it also makes her more likely to reveal her true self early on, which is what you want, because you will learn how compatible the two of you really are as soon as possible.

5) Don’t get distracted; give your lover your whole self when you’re with her.

Don’t play on your phone and grunt your replies when you’re on a date. If your mind is going to be somewhere else, why go on the date in the first place? Dating is a time to get to know your lover, and you should be spending that time fully present, both to enjoy the moment with them as much as possible and to observe them closely to see if they are truly relationship material to you.

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So put away all of the distractions and give the date your undivided attention.

Of course, there is much more to consider when you are spending time with your lover, but these are a few good guidelines that will see you through. Above all, be kind to your beloved, and try to give her as much love and attention as you can while you’re with her.


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